Goodbye, 2016, it’s been interesting
If you’ve come here expecting hope or wisdom, I have nothing for you.
According to some arcane and insidious federal law, writers are suppose to make pronouncements at the end of the year. Lots of writers have already gotten their Goodbye 2016 articles, memos and posts out of the way. In a few cases, their pronouncements looked like they’d been recycled, especially when they said “We won’t have Nixon to kick around anymore” and “We expected a return to normalcy but didn’t get it.”
A few thoughts come to mind:
- 2016 was so bad we’re never going to make up lies to tell about it while getting drunk
- 2016 was so bad, the government’s planning to erase it from the calendar and ban any discussions about it in high school and college history classes
- 2016 was so bad, people born this year will be allowed to fudge their birth dates on all important papers.
- 2016 was so bad, people are calling it “The Year the Karma Train Came Back.”
- 2016 was so bad, the numbers 2, 0, 1, and 6 will be retired in the same manner that the names of horrible hurricanes are retired.
- 2016 was so bad, anything good that happened during the year will probably have unintended consequences.
- 2016 was so bad, people serving time in the joint won’t get credit for the year.
- 2016 was so bad, alien ships approaching the planet aborted their missions.
- 2016 was so bad, half the wine made during the year has already turned to vinegar.
- 2016 was so bad, kids couldn’t even make lemonade out of all the lemons.
- 2016 was so bad, ministers told those who got upset, “well, at least you have eternal life.”
- 2016 was so bad, CNN stopped covering the news because reporters, anchors and commentators were too busy covering their asses.
- 2016 was so bad, the deluge of fake news was more palatable to 98.6% of the people rather than the real news.
- 2016 was so bad, people were too depressed to make any resolutions for 2017.
- 2016 was so bad, Santa didn’t even have a “nice” list.
- 2016 was so bad, drivel became the new normal.
- 2016 was so bad, even Russia got hacked off.
- 2016 was so bad, celebrities start dying “too soon” on purpose.
- 2016 was so bad, the news contained more gallows humor than death row.
- 2016 was so bad, more people than usual started talking to the trees.
- 2016 was so bad, no angels got their wings.
So there it is.