WikiLeaks Real October Surprise: ‘Cockaleekie’ isn’t what you think it is
London, Star-Gazer News Service, October 29, 2016–Whilst most U.S. media have been preoccupied with FBI director James Comey’s “Everybody Gets Investigated Sometime” letter to Congress, WikLeaks International Hackers, Ltd. released what insiders are calling its “real October surprise.”
According to invasion of privacy specialist J. Strange, aficionados of cockaleekie stew are “fed up” with everyday Americans and others living in “countries too young to know what’s what” for slandering and otherwise making fun of a healthy and filling meal that’s been around since the 1500s.
“Americans think anything with the word ‘cock’ in it has something to do with sex and that anything with the word ‘leek’ or “leak” associated with it has something to do with standing in front of a urinal,” said Wikileaks spokesman Bob Smith who wasn’t authorized to make a statement to the press under his real name.
According to Smith, WikiLeaks has “no dog in the hunt” when it comes to the U. S. Presidential campaign because the organization’s mission is illegally stealing information and disseminating it to the press with a self-righteous disregard for the damage is causes, so the fact that hacked evidence suggests that Hillary Clinton and/or Donald Trump might have both eaten cockleekie stew is offered to the world without prejudice or guilt.
As Wikileaks explained, the stew includes chicken (the “cock”) and leeks (related to onions) along with rice or barley, bay leaf, lemon, prunes (optional) and parsley. It’s typically served on St. Andrew’s Day, Burns Night, and Hogmanay.
Smith added that Americans need to “grow up” and stop slandering the traditional meanings of words, including those for bangers and mash, cockaleekie soup, and spotted dick (a pudding rather than a man with V.D.).
While the FBI has yet to comment on the use of “cockaleekie” and “spotted dick” in sensitive e-mails that may or may not have anything to do with the remaining candidates in the Presidential race, news organizations are “peeing in their pants” about recent revelations from un-vetted sources that imply somebody is guilty of something.
Political observers whose primary sources of income are based on appearing on talking heads panels for CNN and FOX news admit that the media is the primary beneficiary of the confusion because it allows them to comment 24/7 about supposed secrets and alleged conspiracies under the guise of “breaking news.”
“‘Breaking news’ sells a lot of product for our advertisers,” said media tsar Jack Smith. “The word ‘cockaleekie has been a gold mine for us even though it calls short of ‘e-mail investigation,’ ‘Benghazi attack,’ and ‘jaw-dropping dress.'”
–Story by Jock Stewart, Special Investigative Reporter