Why do Internet advice gurus keep telling us how to make our posts go viral?
Yes, I want Jo Rowling’s money. Well, not her actual money, but a series of books that bring in her kind of money. Well, not actually her kind of money because that would be pounds and most stores in northeast Georgia want dollars.
That said, you might guess I want my blog posts to go viral so I’ll get rich.
Kiss of death, viral.
People snooping around, digging through the trash can out by the street, asking for some of Jo Rowling’s money because neither you nor she really need all of it, looking for risque stuff from your past, present or future, and basically adopting a “right to snoop” attitude like the NSA, CIA, and FBI.
(Some computer probably just red-flagged this post for the right to snoop comment.)
What about you?
When you head out to put gas in the car, buy groceries or spend a few minutes at a seedy bar, do you want to read about what you did in the next issue of “The National Inquirer”? Sure, that might not be all bad if you got too drunk to remember what you did, but otherwise that kind of publicity is endlessly viral. Even if you walk the straight and narrow to avoid getting your name in the papers, you’ll get your name in the papers for being boring.
Viral means butterflies in Japan die whenever you sneeze. Viral means banks go out of business when you buy one too many Snickers bars. Viral means people you don’t know calling you from Russia to ask how you liked the scene in “Grey’s Anatomy” you saw just before the phone rang. Viral means you are temporarily everyone’s eye candy.
Think about all that the next time you start to write a really good post. Dumb things down a bit just in case–but not too much, or they might sound smart and before you know it you’re in bed with all the wrong people.
Okay, some of those people might be really hot but as soon as they find out you don’t have Jo Rowling’s money, they’ll be hot to trot somewhere else.