The Sun Singer's Travels

Malcolm R. Campbell's World

I wonder if I can do a Kickstarter campaign for a bottle of Scotch

Deep and stormy like the ocean crashing over the rocky shores of its island distillery, Talisker is the only Single Malt Scotch Whisky rugged enough to call the Isle of Skye its home. – Talisker Scotch Whisky website

I really do best writing while sipping Scotch. Due to my Scots ancestry traced back to Robert Bruce and beyond, I can’t help it.

David Ward, the protagonist in my novel Garden of Heaven: an Odyssey drinks Talisker. I gave him the best. I also thought that writing about Talisker might work like the law of attraction, attracting Talisker into my house. So far, no Talisker.

I like smoky, peaty whisky. It connects me with the earth. Well, since you won’t believe that, I’ll say that I like its taste. I also like anchovies, spinach, collard greens, mince meat pie, and the darkest dry red wines I can find. But, not with my Scotch.

Why Kickstarter?

Bad Scotch is expensive. Great Scotch is exorbitant. If you know anything about writers, you know that unless you are Nora Roberts or James Patterson, you can’t afford Scotch.

Sometimes when I read books, I see in the acknowledgements that the author got a grant from a foundation which, basically, paid their way to, say, Paris where they lived in a five-star hotel penthouse for a year with all their meals and booze comped on the off chance they might write a poem. Frankly, I don’t know how people end up with these grants that pay them to write, but so far, nobody’s come forward with one of those.

Basically, I can write a book for the price of a case of Talisker, and that’s far cheaper than flying to Paris or some shack in the mountains of Vermont labeled “Writers’ Retreat” to kick start the muse and keep her (or him) fueled up long enough to write a wonderful Great American Novel.

One bottle of Talisker ten-year-old Scotch is going to cost about $60. Twenty-five year Scotch (with produces 2.5 times better writing) is going to run up to about $400 per bottle.  I won’t even mention the thirty-year Scotch or the price of a case of six bottles of any level of writing inspiration.

So, I’m thinking Kickstarter ought to be a snap for this “grant” because I won’t be asking for the usual billions of dollars, rather just enough for one bottle of Talisker every, er, week or so. I’ll let you know when the campaign gets under way because I’m sure you’ll have a couple of hundred to shake out of your golf bag for a good cause.

You May Also  Like: Put a raven in your book, and I’ll probably read it

–Malcolm

Malcolm Campbell is the author of the comedy/satire “Jock Stewart and the Missing Sea of Fire.” (btw, Stewart drinks Scotch)

Hard-boiled reporter Jock Stewart wakes up on the morning after the Star-Gazer office party with a hangover and an old flame in his bed and he cuddles up with the mayor’s wife in the back seat of a 1953 Desoto. Between these defining moments, he investigates the theft of the mayor’s race horse Sea of Fire and the murder of his publisher’s girl friend, Bambi Hill.

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4 thoughts on “I wonder if I can do a Kickstarter campaign for a bottle of Scotch

  1. melindaclayton on said:

    Funny! Also makes me glad I’m a fan of cheap wine. 😉

  2. I usually get cheap wine from the grocery store. In Georgia, that means $7/$8 per bottle. Sigh.

    Malcolm

  3. Smoky Zeidel on said:

    I like my booze expensive, too, Malcolm. Although, I do like Johnny Walker Black, and that’s sort of moderately priced. Fortunately (or unfortunately), until the doctors figure out what is causing the pain in my chest and upper abdomen, no booze for me. How many different ways are there to say, “Bummer!”? 8-(

  4. That’s not good, Smoky…the docs, that is.

    Malcolm

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